Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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