that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
