The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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