Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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