so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This baby is an asshole
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
