I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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