he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
