You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
