Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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