Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
