After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
