Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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