well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
