A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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