The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
