Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
