With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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