we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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