also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
