is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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