I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
