do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We left an ass print on the piano.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
