Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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