Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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