Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Fuck appropriateness.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
