I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
now i know why i became what i already was.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
