Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just made my gag reflex go away.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
