I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
