Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
