My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
