i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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