No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize