She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
