Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
