can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I touched a dick in church today
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
