I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
