tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My life is pants optional.
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