Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
