It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize