the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
