I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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