for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
