Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
