No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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