i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
last night I used snow as a chaser
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
