so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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