That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
