she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
