I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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