is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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