What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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