Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize