Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
