I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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