It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
