I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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