I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
