And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
