Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
