While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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