i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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