he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
please come you make the beer taste better
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
