no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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