Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize