thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
